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DankHouse

(A recounting of the adventure retold by reveling patrons at The Seawolf Inn)

On the beaches below the Sea Wolf Inn, our heroes have a parting word with Abbey, the frogman, who aided the crew in the sunken ship, and was mortally wounded in the return trip via a magic mirror. Some memories of her nefarious mission return, and we learn that someone residing at Tomefast commissioned the black ship's landing and occupation of the Sea Wolf Inn's lighthouse, and that they are also connected with a cult whose practices are counter to those of The Soot-Blackened Fool. As Abbey departs the mortal plane, she gifts Gap the Druid a momento: a magical pearl which allows its bearer to breath underwater.

Under the guidance of Hodge Podge, a former smuggler and refugee fromBlighthouse, our Heroes make their way to a secret port-side entrance of the besieged city, with hopes of sneaking to the front gates, letting in the Gormenghast army, and reclaiming the city from the goblins who have unceremoniously renamed it Gobbo Town! 

Upon arrival, their cover of darkness is throw off, green torches flare up, and they find themselves immediately surrounded by a unwelcome party led by a chaos lieutenant clad in heavy armor. A sick feeling comes over the party as they realize their guide has betrayed them, in a bargain to save his family from the goblin oppressors. The lieutenant informs Hodge Podge that his wife and daughter have already taken their own lives, and Hodge Podge crumples to the ground is sorrow. Krain the Barbarian slits his throat, partly for the betrayal, and partly to put the poor soul out of his misery. 

Our friends skirmish with the goblins, and a splash of acid from Malbeca the Alchemist dissolves the lieutenant's armor, revealing his true form: a goblin standing on the shoulders of another goblin! They introduce themselves as Slobbo and Knobbo, the twin offspring of Gobbo! They quickly attempt an escape. Slobbo is slain, however Knobbo disappears down a back alley.

The heroes navigate the city streets, now filled with the grim merriment of goblin songs and torchlit parades. A dreadful fog made of peering eyes patrol the streets! When it spies an intruder, a squad of goblins are summoned. Skewered heads mount every wall, and goblin graffiti cover the now ransacked homes. Soo the Cleric is shaken to the core when she reads, [sic] "Litle Soo, mor lik litle POO!' Knobbo emerges from the rabble with a cannon, ready to paint a mural with hero gore, however he is quickly dispatched by Soo's vengeuful genie spell, who turns the cannon on Knobbo, blasting him into dust. A heap of putrid guts and scrap metal is all that remains; the street is impassible.

Wally the Wizard summons two mechanical mercenaries, and they uncover the final resting place of Hodge Podge's daughter. As they notice a green ribbon around her neck, and the cryptic tattoo underneath, poisonous gas seep into the room, and a time bomb begins ticking. They relay that the tattoo resembles the mountain range of Black Treacle Mountains before being engulfed in a maelstrom of machinations. They survive the blast, half-"dead", but half-"alive!"

Murf makes his way down another avenue, and spies a large gate guarded by two sleepy Ogres, when suddenly, a pot is dropped on his head, an enormous chamber pot fit for a troll! He avoids having his skull smashed in, but the way is now shut. The only way to the gate now lies at the top of a walk-up apartment, and a daring leap out the same window that issued the chamber pot.

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, Lil Soo and Gap the Druid uncover a horrifying sight: a mass grave of villagers has been assembled into a giant Corpse Golem! Before the creature can react, Lil Soo hurls a flask of holy water, banishing the monstrosity back to the pit, and granting rest to the dead who were corrupted in its creation. In an adjoining chamber, they find the grave of Hodge Podge's wife. In her hands, she clutches a sealed letter. They take it.

All the heroes gather, and make their way up the rickety stairs of the apartment that issued the chamberpot, and find the owner of the troll-size chamber pot is in fact, a Troll-sized Troll! Joined by a vampire, the unholy creator of the Corpse Golem, the monster make a formable pair. However, another flask of holy water makes a quick end to the vampire, while the troll is also vanquished. Now the heroes must press on, out a second story window!

The ogres below clamber beneath the windowsill, and one crawls on the heap of two goblins, smashing them in the process. The monster begins battering the heroes with his club, while Dank Maim the fighter takes a running heroic leap over him, landing on the street below. He is injured, but goes out fighting, as his skull is smashed in by the ogre's companion. Dank Maim is killed. Hellbent on revenge, our heroes rally, and surge out the window, where Krain slays them both in one blow. He earns the name "Ogre Slayer." Fortunately, an Elixir of Life is close at hand, and Dank Maim rejoins the world of the living.

A warm, welcoming goblin tavern (ripe for the pillage!) is seen down the alleyway, but the group have their eyes set on the tall wide gate standing before them. Knowing that the outer door would be guarded by more than a couple of ogres, they steel themselves for the greater challenge ahead, and lift the bar.

A host of orcs, goblins, and chaos warriors flank the courtyard, and at their head, two goblins astride giant wolves! They introduce themselves as Snobbo and Lobbo, the offspring of Gobbo (his offspring never cease), and a great battle ensues!

Sprays of blood, howls, and smoke! Clashing steel, and snapping bones! In the confusion, Gap the Druid manages to slip past the vanguard, and open the gate! The siege party of the Gormenghast army drops their battering ram, and rushes to join the fight, tipping the scale in our heroes' favor. After the dust settles, our heroes are the victors, standing in ankle-deep in goblin blood. 

It is uncertain if Gobbo's bloodline has been severed, but it has certainly been trimmed down on this day. The city is reclaimed, and to honor the fallen-and-risen Dank Maim, a new city name is adopted: Dankhouse - A Sea Wolf Inn™ Property. And there was much rejoicing. The heroes have improved their reputation among the civilized folk of Cinderwrought, but an uneasy feeling lies to the east, as thoughts turn to the cloistered school of magic, Tomefast. Just who has it out for our heroes?

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